Mrs. William Rutherford Receives On Wednesdays

No telephones, no e-mail--how did ladies manage their social lives during the 1800s?  Anyone who's ever read Jane Austen can tell you--it's all about the "at home" or receiving day and the visiting card.  There was a whole etiquette around women visiting each other at home, which in urban settings involved a social directory such as Dau's Society Blue Book.  Published biannually for many urban centres in Canada and the United States, the primary job of the Dau's Society Blue Book or other social registers was to indicate the "at home" day for the local ladies of a certain class.  Here is the Montreal Blue Book entry for Mrs. William Rutherford Jr. and Mrs. William Rutherford Sr. for the year 1898:

Dau's Society Blue Book for Montreal, Rutherford Listings.

The entry reads:
"Rutherford, Mr. and Mrs. Wm., 61 Rosemount Avenue, Wednesday.
Rutherford, Mr. and Mrs. Wm., 35 Staynor Avenue, Westmount, Wednesday." 

My husband, who is familiar with the etiquette for this period, was able to explain the system to me.  First of all, the listings are by subscription, which means that families must pay to have their name entered.  Although husband and wife are both named in the listings, it would be the wife who would receive at home on the listed day.  Children would only be included in the directory if they were of age, or if the young ladies of the house had "come out" to society.  These were adult, not family, social calls. 

The visits made during someone's receiving day were supposed to be brief, about fifteen minutes long, especially if one was visiting an acquaintance rather than a close friend.  Receiving days were not about extended conversation--a long visit, if desired,  could be arranged on another day.  They were more about establishing and maintaining social ties. Since visitors would be introduced to each other,  the system also allowed women to extend their social circle.

During these visits, ladies would leave their visiting or calling card.  Visiting cards would usually have the person's own receiving day inscribed along with their name.  This allowed women to keep track of who had visited, since not returning a visit would be considered impolite.

The convention of the receiving day was restricted to ladies of the leisure class.  As you can see,  the title page for the Blue Book emphasizes that it is for "elite" families:

Dau's Society Blue Book Title Page, 1898 ed.

Also, the preface defends itself from possible criticisms around the inclusion of "names which may seem unneccesary":

Dau's Society Blue Book for Montreal, Preface.

While the bulk of a social directory consisted of individual listings, at the back there would normally be a section devoted to club membership within the city.  Masculine as well as feminine clubs were listed equally. For example, the 1905-6 Montreal Dau's Blue Book tells us that A.H. Scott, another ancestor,  was a member of the Montreal City Club. 

The convention of receiving days began to fall out of favour during and after World War I, so the Wm. Rutherfords were among the last generation to use social registers and "at home" days to anchor their social lives.  The Blue Book really fills a gap--it's nice to have some material evidence of how the females in our family line lived.  Now, at least, we know what they were doing on Wednesdays!